It has now been 2, very long and rough months. Your life and being has touched us all so deeply that the emptiness, loneliness and loss we feel is very hostile and raw. Life without you is so painful. My heart, mind soul, and body ache. I can’t seem to put the pieces together, I can’t seem to understand. I am still so numb, so lost, confused, and angry! Why you? You are so perfect and strong and courageous. Nothing but purity and goodness. Happiness and love. I don’t know Enzo. As your mother I should have given you life, and I couldn’t… but I should at least be able to give you answers. But I just don’t know “WHY?” Even if I did, it still wouldn’t be right. I don’t know how to live without you. How do I carry on without you in the stroller? How do I live without you in my arms? How do I sleep knowing I won’t have to get up to your cries? How do I continue without seeing you grow? Why has this happened? Not to me, or to you dad… but to you? Why you? So perfect and with nothing but goodness and strength in your heart! We adore you so much that the ache we feel is so intense… the need and want for you to be with us is so fierce. We just don’t know how to function without you, our son.
Two months, Enzo… I imagine you being much bigger now! Getting fatter and taller (not too much taller because mommy and daddy are very short- haha)! More dark hair on that perfectly round head of yours :) Definitely black curls all over. Brown eyes. Dark skin. Ah, the perfection!!!
I try to be so strong for you and I want to make you so proud, but I break down sometimes and I want to make sure you know that it is NOT your fault. I don’t cry because I’m in pain… I cry because I miss you. Because every mother misses their son, no matter where they are. We’re soooo close (I feel you every day, I sleep with you every day- you’re probably sooo tired of your crazy mommy by now haha) but it still destroys me, baby. The love I have for you is one I’ve never felt before and one I will never feel again. You are one of a kind. Our relationship is beyond this world. Enzo and mommy are forever <3 Our souls have been matched since day 1, my love. We are a love story. We are eternal. I love you so much!
I miss you, you know? I miss you very much. You gave and continue to give me so much, and I am so proud of you. I am beyond honored to be your mother. I will treasure you and dedicate every second of my life to you, Enzo. You are amazing. It’s so crazy the bond we have. I never knew this love (and this huge amount of love) existed… but you have showed me that we have something more, something special. No matter where we are, we will always be together. And you know what? While most people need telephones to speak and airplane tickets to be together… we need NOTHING. Because we are always and forever together in our hearts :) And that, Enzo, makes me feel safe.
I want to apologize. For everything. I know you see everything from up there as you fly high and free and sometimes I am very angry and very mean. I’m sad and I’m mad at the world. No one can bring you back and no one has an aswer as to why you’re not in my belly like you should be… and that makes me angry and sad. I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry for everything. I know you said it wasn’t my fault but there were so many things I could have changed and maybe I could have give you a healthy life… it pains me to know that. It also hurts to know that some of the things I do (like being depressed, not eating, being mean, etc) don’t make you happy. And I will change that, but sometimes mommy will cry and scream… I’m crazy like that J just ask your daddy- hahaha! I love you Enzo and I know you forgive me and trust that I will slowly but surely change to make you the proudest son ever! I LOVE YOU ENZO!
Enzo, I want to thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for being my son. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for being so perfect. Thank you for living. Thank you for being born alive. Thank you for your incredible strength and your outstanding beauty. Enzo, thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for picking me up when I am down. For showing me light when all I see is black. Thank you for wiping my tears and handing me a tissue. Thank you for every second of your life. Thank you for showing me what love truly means. Thank you for absolutely everything. You have given me life. I know have a reason for why I was put on this world… and that is to live for you. I am the mother of an angel. I am the mother to Enzo Leandre Griffit. It is truly unbelievable that someone can be so perfect, but believe it baby… because you are! I am ecstatic because we now have such a great addition to our family.
You will always be our first child. You will always be Enzo Leandre Griffit. You will always be perfection. You will always be… FOREVER!
You are my religion. You are my God. You are my angel. My shining star. My guiding light. My beating heart. My strength. My inspiration and motivation. My dedication. My calling. My world. My present and my future. My always and forever. My son…
You are goodness, beauty, and strength. Love and innocence. A fighter, a champion, a blessing. An inspiration and an example to follow. What you accomplished in 4 hours and 25 minutes, no one has accomplished in a lifetime. You are too beautiful for this earth, and you are waiting for me up high. Fly with the stars. Play, love, be safe. Make sure you eat all your vegetables and drink plenty of water (mommy has a huge problem with water, I prefer coke- hehe). If you’re anything like your dad (and I’m sure you are because you looked JUST LIKE HIM) be careful with those girl angels, eh. You’re MINE, no one else’s J I MIGHT share you when you’re a little bit older… haha I can’t wait for that day when you fall in love and you tell me all about it. I’m here, I will listen, I will know… I will be there. Please tell me all about it. Every detail of how you made her fall in love with you and everything she loves about you. Aaah, what a wonderful thing. But for now, you’re all MINE. JUST MINE :) hehe
You are always in my thoughts. You are always in my heart. You are always in my mind. You are always with me, near me. You are the blood streaming through me. The heart beating in me. The love within me. You are my everything. And I love you Enzo. Goodness, do I love you… beyond words. Beyond words… We miss you dearly, bubu. We truly do. Nothing and no one will ever replace you or make us forget about you, I swear to you. You will forever and for always be in our hearts, minds, memories, and souls. And you will come back to us, I know it (a little birdie told me)! So, my baby love, until then!
This is not a goodbye, but a see you very, very soon J We’re ready for you to come back, love. Please come soon, we miss you <3
Te Amo, Je T’Aime, I Love You
FOREVER.
You are love & you are eternal.
Mama