Happy 2.4 baby boy! May all your wishes come true! We love you... forever & for always. Thank you, thank you, and thank you my darling. You're amazing. And I thank you. I am amazed by you every day. Inspired. And so, so proud of you. My sunshine. My love. Celebrate big. We miss you. But you are always present. In our thoughts, hearts, and minds. In our homes, in our voices, in our actions, in our every day.
- You're going to be the one that saves me - Every love story is beautiful but ours is my favorite - You are my poetry - I love you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all that you're yet to be - Love doesn't know distance - When I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew - I'm begging you to help me see; you're all I want, you're all I need
Con cada dia que pasa te extraño mas. Te necesito mas. Te amo mas. Mis dias no son iguales despues de ese hermoso 28 de julio. Mi vida cambio. Mi corazon conocio el amor. Y yo conoci a un angel. A mi angelito perfecto. Fuiste mi maestro de vida y no existen palabras para agradecerte. A pesar de tanta oscuridad siempre vas a ser mi pedazito de sol. Mi gotita de amor. Mi absoluta felicidad. Nos vemos en mis sueños. iloveyouforever&always
I sit here, empty handed, broken hearted, thinking what I did wrong to deserve this? I think about that time I lied to my parents. Or that time I snuck out. Or that time I was rude to the cashier. That time I got road rage. But is it possible that small cruelty can lead to such destruction? As Sean Hanish and his brilliant baby loss film, "Return to Zero" put it: three minus one equals zero. As simple and as true as that. Baby loss affects everyone. Everything. The past, the present, the future. The parents, the grandparents, the siblings, the aunts, the uncles. I died along my son on July 29, 2011 at 3:43am.
We were three. We lost him. Now we are zero.
I cannot wrap my head around this reality. This insanity.
Celebrate and Love Forever Baby Boy! You must be so big! Your hair so long and curly! Oh, how I wish to see you, to hold you, to kiss you, to hug you, to love you!!! You're an amazing, beautiful human being and I miss you papi. Every day of my life, with every inch of my being. That will never change. I love you... to the moon and back. Forever and ever. Thank you for K :) we love you. We will celebrate you, talk about you, speak your name, remember you, love you, miss you FOREVER. Nothing and no one will ever, ever change that.
warning. Strong winds. Lightning. Basements filled. Rain pouring. But I was not scared. I am no longer fearing death. Because the love of my life is up there waiting for me. As I gathered his belongings to take to the basement with me, I could not help but realize what I was doing. I was gathering my son’s ashes. His never worn clothes. His teddy bear. His blankets. His pictures. Everything that should have been his, everything that he should have used, everything that he should be… except for him. I was not carrying a 23 month baby to the basement for shelter, I was carrying his ashes. The pain was unreal. It numbed me. It caught me off guard. And that’s when I realized that I am still a mother, even though my son is not physically with me to prove it. It has been the first time, in 23 months, where I felt like a true mother. Like the ones I see every day, on the streets, in my house, at the store… where they have their children in their arms or in a high chair ready to feed them… I felt like one of them today. I was in “ready mode” and the first and only thing that popped into my head was to take all of his things to safety.
It was also a moment where I realized that if something happens to his things it would destroy me to the very core. I have always feared something happening to them (unexpected fire at my house and his things burned, etc.) but it has been the first time that I experienced the danger of loosing his things first hand.
It should not be this way. It shouldn’t. Why he’s gone I don’t know. And I’m angry. I’m so hurt that I carried an urn of ashes to the basement instead of my almost 2 year old. My arms wish to hold him. My eyes cry to see him. My voice shakes to say his name. My heart aches for him. My life screams his name. I miss him. With every inch of my body. And I love him with all of my insanity. He is my every breath. It should not take a tornado warning to make me feel like his mother. I should have him on my lap. But he died… and I died with him.
Enzo. You deserve the world. And I owe you my life. It’s yours to live, my darling. I dedicate my every step to your bravery. To your courage. To your love. To you. Forever.
Te Amo Hijo. Por Siempre, Para Siempre, Hasta Siempre.
Time slips away. Ironically, I want it to go by fast... but when the 28s of each month hit, I wish I could go back in time to that beautiful day when I met you. Time seems to be a frienemy. A sweet and sour concept. I love to celebrate you. Everyday. And today, I celebrate your 2 years and 1 month :) You're growing up so fast. And I'm missing all of it. That is a pain I will never get over. That is a pain no mother should ever bear. And I live with it every day. Happy 2 years 1 month baby boy! I love you and miss you so much. Words simply cannot express. And thank you ;) thank you for the amazing gift. You are my sunshine, and you lifted me up when I was gray. Thank you, my love!
Enzo, mi amor. Mi vida. FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS! Dos añitos. Cuanta emocion. Cuanto amor. Cuanta tristeza en este dia. Lo he pensado todos los dias durante estos 2 años y sigo sin encontrar una respuesta... porque vos? No me cabe en la cabeza como tanta belleza pudo haberse ido por los vientos. Porque mis plegarias no fueron suficientes. Porque vos y no yo? Te busco en el cielo. Te llamo por los vientos.... Te veo en las estrellas. Brillas con orgullo. Amas incondicionalmente. Y estas siempre. No se como agradecerte por enseñarme la vida. Por demostrarme el verdadero amor. Por ser mi fuerza interna. Por existir. Por ser... y porque seras siempre. Vos y yo tenemos una coneccion especial. Yo te conozco de antes. El destino nos lleva marcado. Nos unio con pureza y amor eterno. Este no fue nuestro fin, hijo. Nosotros tenemos mucho mas que vivir juntos. Esta vida no fue suficiente para nosotros. Nos falta jugar, reir, volar. El amor nuestro no conoce fin. Donde sea que estes, Enzo... esperame que ya ire. Y te prometo que nunca mas nos volveremos a separar. Yo, desde aca abajo, voy a pelear por vos. Voy a pelear contra la mala gente. La gente que olvida. La gente que no sabe valorar. La gente que maltrata. Voy a pelear para que te sepan nombrar. Mereces eso y mucho mas. Moveria cielo y terra por vos. Montañas y mares. Sos cada gota de lluvia. Cada brillo del cielo. Cada rayo de sol. Mis dias y mis noches. Mis risas y mis lagrimas. Mi alegria y mi felicidad. Sos mi belleza, mi hombresito hermoso. Sos mi sonrisa detras de cada lagrima. Mi esperanza detras de cada derrota. Mi fuerza detras de cada noche triste. Mi tranquilidad en cada miedo. La belleza detras de mi corazon roto. Te debo una, hijo. Diste tu vida por salvar la mia. Hasta el dia de hoy las noches no me dejan dormir por la culpa que siento... te extraño, negri
Feliz Cumple Bombon! Que todos tus sueños se hagan realidad. Que soples fuerte las velitas! Que saltes por las nubes del cielo eterno y vueles por los colores del arcoiris* Me queda una larga vida sin vos, Enzo. Una vida de extrañarte y de amarte a la distancia. Cuando estoy tirste siempre encuentro tus ojos por ahi. Pedi un deseo, mi vida! Feliz Cumple Mi Amor!! I love you forever
My sheets, stained with tears, drenched in "I miss you's"
I should be hearing soccer balls kicked around, "goal" screams with your uncles, laughs, cries, temper tantrums... where are the "mama's"? They have gone into the four winds. And just like the wind, I can't physically see you, but I feel you. And our love is not seen, but felt. And only we know our story. Only we have felt our pain. Our happiness. Only we have lived this life and only we can rest assured that our love is eternal. No matter what anyone thinks. We live for us, not for anyone else. And our love story has just begun.
You were my once upon a time that abruptly ended on July 29th 2011. I don't recognize that date. It comes and goes. It doesn't exist. However, today Enzo, YOU exist. It's your day. Happy Birthday My Lovely. I miss you more than words can describe. And no matter how far away you are in the sky, you are still my little baby cradled in my arms. My little man. My beautiful. I love you bombon. Forever.
And know that I tried to save you. Even if saving you sent me to heaven...