A week and 3 days from Enzo's 1 year and 8 month anniversary (since his birth), I received an amazing gift from him. Straight from my son, straight from heaven, straight to me. He came to me in my dreams. Something I've been wanting since the last second I saw him on July 29th, 2011. Something I was terrified of not receiving...
On March 18th, I woke up feeling different. I was different. Same feelings of devastation and sadness. Anger and confusion. Same grief, but at a different level. I had now received the ultimate sign from my son. He was with me for that moment. For that dream, he was with me, next to me, looking at me. The peace I felt, the love I experienced... there truly are no words.
The dream began with Enzo. In my head and heart, I knew he had Potter's Syndrome (just like in real life) but in the dream it felt as if he was just born prematurely. Because we didn't have to worry about anything but his weight, in the dream. In the beginning of the dream, he was very little. Very tiny, fragile, small... just like in real life. I saw myself, the rest of the dream, trying to "cure" him. Getting him to gain weight and survive! I would feed him and be oh so gentle with him. I would hold him and talk to him. One of his treatments was for his family (my mom, my dad, and myself) to jump off a mini waterfall... and that was supposed to help him get healthy! Of course, without hesitation, we all jumped off the waterfall. However, we weren't the only ones jumping off the waterfall. There were many other people (unknowns) in that part of the dream. Next scene was me bathing him in a big bathtub... with other people and children around (again, unknowns). Before putting him in the bathtub, I remember going with him to pick out some bath toys... and I picked out 3 Disney princess dolls (Ariel, Jazmine, and a black Ariel). I should mention that throughout most of the dream, I called Enzo by a girls name (even though I knew deep down that it was ENZO). But for some reason, I kept calling him by a girls name. I remember telling my mom that it IS Enzo so why are we calling him by a girls name. And my mom said "yes, it is". During the bath scene, I remember looking at my baby boy naked and thinking, it is ENZO. And from then on, I called him Enzo for the rest of the dream. However, Enzo would never come out clear. It would be Henzo or Kenzo but never a clear Enzo. As I was bathing Enzo in the big bathtub, my mom appeared and I told her to watch Enzo as I went and did something (don't know why or what). I came back a minute after and I saw Enzo under the water... but only for a second... I grabbed him immediately and took him out. He was perfectly fine! Then, my dream came to a close with the final scene being me entering a bathroom, where I look at myself in the mirror and I see that it is me, with Enzo naked on my hip, taking him to take a bath (just me and him this time). Last words to him were in "baby talk" saying if he was ready to play in the water! By the end of the dream, Enzo was cured. He was a healthy weight. I remember looking deeply into his eyes in the dream and knowing he was cured, he was okay. I knew he was going to live. I knew I had cured him! It was magical.
And then my mom called and woke me up :(
It might be a coincidence, it might not... but his dream came on the day after St. Patrick's day. The day where his color, green, was everywhere and on everyone. The day we celebrated his beautiful color of peace, life, and love!
I am so eternally grateful to Enzo for giving me this dream. For coming to visit me. For spending time with me. For not giving up on me. For giving me new hope. For loving me. For making me his mother. I just... I have no words. My love for him is truly inexplicable. It's something I have never felt before. It's pure and innocent. It's true love and it's ours. It's uniquely ours. It's amazing. Thank you, coconut! I love you, chiquito.
Forever,
mama
On March 18th, I woke up feeling different. I was different. Same feelings of devastation and sadness. Anger and confusion. Same grief, but at a different level. I had now received the ultimate sign from my son. He was with me for that moment. For that dream, he was with me, next to me, looking at me. The peace I felt, the love I experienced... there truly are no words.
The dream began with Enzo. In my head and heart, I knew he had Potter's Syndrome (just like in real life) but in the dream it felt as if he was just born prematurely. Because we didn't have to worry about anything but his weight, in the dream. In the beginning of the dream, he was very little. Very tiny, fragile, small... just like in real life. I saw myself, the rest of the dream, trying to "cure" him. Getting him to gain weight and survive! I would feed him and be oh so gentle with him. I would hold him and talk to him. One of his treatments was for his family (my mom, my dad, and myself) to jump off a mini waterfall... and that was supposed to help him get healthy! Of course, without hesitation, we all jumped off the waterfall. However, we weren't the only ones jumping off the waterfall. There were many other people (unknowns) in that part of the dream. Next scene was me bathing him in a big bathtub... with other people and children around (again, unknowns). Before putting him in the bathtub, I remember going with him to pick out some bath toys... and I picked out 3 Disney princess dolls (Ariel, Jazmine, and a black Ariel). I should mention that throughout most of the dream, I called Enzo by a girls name (even though I knew deep down that it was ENZO). But for some reason, I kept calling him by a girls name. I remember telling my mom that it IS Enzo so why are we calling him by a girls name. And my mom said "yes, it is". During the bath scene, I remember looking at my baby boy naked and thinking, it is ENZO. And from then on, I called him Enzo for the rest of the dream. However, Enzo would never come out clear. It would be Henzo or Kenzo but never a clear Enzo. As I was bathing Enzo in the big bathtub, my mom appeared and I told her to watch Enzo as I went and did something (don't know why or what). I came back a minute after and I saw Enzo under the water... but only for a second... I grabbed him immediately and took him out. He was perfectly fine! Then, my dream came to a close with the final scene being me entering a bathroom, where I look at myself in the mirror and I see that it is me, with Enzo naked on my hip, taking him to take a bath (just me and him this time). Last words to him were in "baby talk" saying if he was ready to play in the water! By the end of the dream, Enzo was cured. He was a healthy weight. I remember looking deeply into his eyes in the dream and knowing he was cured, he was okay. I knew he was going to live. I knew I had cured him! It was magical.
And then my mom called and woke me up :(
It might be a coincidence, it might not... but his dream came on the day after St. Patrick's day. The day where his color, green, was everywhere and on everyone. The day we celebrated his beautiful color of peace, life, and love!
I am so eternally grateful to Enzo for giving me this dream. For coming to visit me. For spending time with me. For not giving up on me. For giving me new hope. For loving me. For making me his mother. I just... I have no words. My love for him is truly inexplicable. It's something I have never felt before. It's pure and innocent. It's true love and it's ours. It's uniquely ours. It's amazing. Thank you, coconut! I love you, chiquito.
Forever,
mama