How can I begin to climb this never ending staircase if, when I put one foot forth, people continue to run me over? This world is not meant for bereaved mothers and that makes this tragedy extremely more difficult.
Am I supposed to walk around with a sign on my face that says I just lost a child in order for people to let me cry in peace? To let me scream if I need to? To not judge me but understand me. No, I dont even want them to understand me because they never will. Unless they have lost a child, then no one will ever understand. Or even feel a smidge of our pain.
Your mother dying is not the same, or even close. Your dog dying, your friend, your brother... nothing. Nothing will compare to losing your child. Your newborn... nothing.........
Someone once compared his abortion to my loss. I simply had no words to describe the tremendous error in that comment. I went to an infant loss support group recently and the rest of the mothers had one thing in common: they had all wished, one time or another, that their babies would have never existed...
Difference between me and them,, I never wished that. Not when I was passing out from low blood pressure or when I had my head buried in the toilet from morning (all day) sickness. Not then, not now, not ever had I wished my son gone... but he left. I can't even feel understood at the support group.
... I just don't know anymore ...
Not only does the worst thing in my entire life happen, but then we have to deal with not acting too weird or too sad or too angry so the rest of the world doesn't feel awkward. Really?!
No, thanks...